The idea of self for a person first comes as an instinct. It is nature’s gift for self-protection and preservation. Immediately after birth, the baby cries to start the lungs breathing, and sucks milk from a nipple for food. Some time later, the baby will feel the warmth of the mother and other family members. During the early stage, the infant is totally helpless. Love and care are provided by the immediate family members. Self-protection involves the basic behaviors of eat, sleep, cry and smile.
In a few years, the child learns how to behave and what is right or wrong besides just “I, me, mine”. The idea of self begins to change depending on his/her upbringing and the values of the society. The child must pay attention to the responses of other people. A system of rewards and punishments is in order to encourage and restrain personal behaviors.
When the child reaches adulthood, the idea of self becomes even more complex. He/she is subject to the influence of customs, ideology and indoctrination. For instance, young people must pay deference to the elders in most cultures. In the military, soldiers cannot question the justice of a war. They must face death when being sent to the battlefield, regardless whether the fight is right or wrong. Furthermore, adults also develop their own conscience and free will. Their values are influenced by what they choose to see or hear or ignore. Their behaviors follow accordingly. Their actions are restrained or punished by the law, or by someones they depend on materially such as their bosses. Their love, conscience and responsibilities also play a part in modifying their behaviors.
There are adults who take the idea of self to the extremes. Some act out of utter selfishness without bothering about the harms done to others. Most adults behave responsibly. They certainly act for their own benefits but with the necessary restraints to avoid hurting or causing inconvenience to other people. They take care of their young and weak, and make routine sacrifices of their times and resources. There are adults who behave selflessly. We hear stories about soldiers sacrificing their lives to save their comrades; parents going through extreme hardships to take care of their children; and doctors and nurses working in war zones or dangerous disaster areas.
The concept of self changes as a person matures. We become selfish mostly due to material seductions because we always want to own more stuff and are afraid to lose our possessions. Only when we understand the ephemerality of material things will we become less selfish. The reward will be much bigger — We will be able to reach a higher degree of satisfaction and peace in life.
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